Today Ray Cusick died, he came up with the Daleks in Doctor Who, and i just thought i should mention him. RIP Ray...x You created something memorable!
     On Tuesday it would have been a year since my Mother died, im not sure how im supposed to feel about that. I guess im upset, but i don't feel it. I feel fine, and i haven't cried...

The day after her death was weird. I remember it all so clearly, the whole family came over, but still i seemed more attached to my friend. Since she had coped with me, the previous night. We went out for dinner, and had a carvery! It was nice, although i felt sick, we all felt sick. I barely ate although i had two puddings! The next few days were the hardest, going back to school and seeing all the people. Telling me that they were sorry for my loss. Although, it wasn't a loss... Not really, she wasn't really a mother to me, she was harsh and abusive. No one told me how she died  i find out by the news. Yes, the BBC and Sky news! Reporting on my mothers murder! And how the man she left my dad for, stabbed her in the chest. Making all the blood pour from her body!
     The police came round almost every month talking to us about the court case, and all things related. The DI even came to her funeral! How loyal of them. In November  we got the delightful news that he got 17 years in askaban (I mean prison). But we also received the news that he beat her, he abused her. He had been reported for domestic abuse before, but on the day she died, he neighbours complained about noise. The police went over, and all seemed fine, they did not spell Ian Hopes address correctly, so they did not know about the abuse. This meant that they let him off with a warning, instead of locking that dirty scumbag up straight away. Of course it wasn't their fault entirely, it was her fault for staying with that bastard.

I find laughing about it and joking about what happened, actually helps!

     We had come to some sort of an arrangement. In February 2012 police came round my house when i had my friend over, probably my only friend at that time. I knew something was wrong since they normally talked to all of us instead of just dad. Then when they left, and dad called me downstairs i knew what must of happened. I walked downstairs and sat down, Alex was sitting next to me and i had no idea how he would take it. The dad came in and simply said 'Your mother is dead. Her and Ian were in a fight.She is dead.' Alex sat there, emotionless, and i stared at the door. I hugged my dad and his girlfriend and i ran upstairs crying and i fell into my best friends arms. I blurted out what dad told me and we sat there for a while. Which wrecked our night of watching the Simpsons movie. We had an early night, and spent the next day with my family. I remember everything about that night, even now, a year later (almost).

I do not normally cry, hardly ever. She was not worth my tears, but i gave them anyway.

     The first time i saw her afterwards was in 2010, We met in Norwich. It was hard for me to see her, like everyone else, spend all her time fussing about Alex. Talking to Alex and leaving me out. Even though, im the only one who ever talks to her. But after a few visits she turned her attention to me. We talked about how life was going, and after a while she told me how her life was going. About her job in sainsburys, and then about 'him' and how 'nice' he was... She then asked about me living with her, I turned her down every time she asked. I could not live with the drunken bitch who abandoned me, abandoned us. It went like this for two years. It was hard and it was full of court dates and bitterness. By 2012 she had blackmailed and threatened our family.She wanted me and Alex, and she said that she would go through any means to get us. She swore down the phone, she always drunk called and finally, she went to court asking for none ..And the house, it was around this time my dads girlfriend had moved into our house, and she was willing to pay my mother the £50,000 she wanted. The court declined this, we didn't have to pay her until we sold the house (if we sold it) and we would have to give her half of anything.

     The most difficult times for us were when we ran out of electricity in the afternoon. It was still sunny, but by the time we got to the shop it was pitch black. One day, when we were sure that she wasn't coming back, we got some money and went to the phone-box down the road. We called my Grandmother and she immediately came over. I had to explain everything to her, the phones, the phone calls... Everything. I also had to explain everything to the police,therapists,and all my family and family friends.
     About three weeks went by and I was about to start school again, when we got a call from her. She apologized over and over again, and said she was happier in Newcastle. She asked to talk to me and Alex, dad didn't let her, and frankly i wanted nothing to do with her. She filed for custody and dad had to go to court pleading not to let her have us. Which was decent, as a lot of people would have just left us. Especially as Alex was a 'Special Case'. He had massive problems, and thought (thinks) that if people get him things they love him, and if they don't get him things, they hate him. This is all because my mother gave him food to shut him up, and he believed that she 'loved' him because she did this. Anyway, the court didn't give custody to her, but the judge set times and dates for us to talk and visit. The calls, at first, went well. But she did not want to talk at the weekends as it was(as she put it) 'her time with Ian'. So we had to go to court again, it cost us thousands and thousands of pounds just to set times, that she never kept.

It was a few days after the holiday, and i caught her sneaking in my room. She was in my cupboard, putting something in my drawer, it was a few mobile phones. She told me yet again to shut my mouth, she threatened  she would leave. I knew i had to tell someone, but who could i tell?
     It was the third of august 2009 and my mum had just ran out of the house. She had taken a suitcase, and left no explanation, but i knew why she left, and it was my time to share with the world, or at least my father.I had overheard many other calls since April, and i knew the mans name that the whore had slept with, and who had obviously left my father for. It turns out that her friends knew as well, and gave her money so she could leave. I told my family everything that i knew. Which turned out to be a lot. I knew his full name, how they met, and even where he lived.
They met on facebook...
His name was Ian Hope. The last name always makes me smile, 'hope' Its an emotion which, i believe, he abused.
     At this time, we had no money, our family was poor and we had no way of contacting anyone we knew, or indeed getting anywhere (since the bitch stole the car). As it was the summer holidays we did not need to worry about school, but there was still the matter of food. Spooner row has no source of food, no shop. So we had to find money, it was coins, we paid in coppers most times. We had to cycle from Spooner Row to Attleborough or to Wymondham. It was a hard to do every day or so, but I got used to it, as did the rest of us.

    When I was younger my mother would abuse me, she was an alcoholic and they were always fighting. When she punished (hit, yelled at) me and my brother, he would cry. It did not have the same effect on me, i got brave and i fought back. It got me into more trouble obviously, but i stood up to her. My father was/is a kind man, and he stood up to her. And told her to leave us alone. But she did not listen. One time when i was nine, she lied to my dad and told him that i had stolen some money or something. He believed her, but i still fought for myself. I yelled, I screamed at them, hoping that my point was made. He believed me over the drunken bitch sitting in my room. He should have left her, thrown her out. But he didn't.
     She beat us almost every day, i was covered in bruises. She drank every day, up until 2009 when i was ten. It was in April, we went to a holiday park, with just me, my mother and my brother. We also met up with a group of mothers friends. It was around ten at night, and me and my brother (Alex) were supposed to be asleep. He was, but i was wide awake. I had problems sleeping when i was younger, had to take medicine. When lying there i overheard her talking to her friends, but they weren't replying. I crawled out of the tent and looked at her. She had a phone in her hand and was talking to someone. She saw me sitting there and just walked away. I followed her, slowly. She walked behind her car, and then she sat down. She was laughing at the person on the phone, she seemed happy. She said 'I Love You' then hung up. I walked up to her and asked if it was dad, she said no, and told me that it was just a friend and to keep my mouth shut. I did, not because i was scared about what she would do to me, but because my father loved her (somehow) and i didn't wan't to wreck that, since he was the only one which cared.

My name is Steph Gosling. I am here to write.